Once Upon A Time
by The Emmanator
Summary: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there was some kinky stuff going on. .::COMPLETE::.
1. Chapter 1

This story will be no more than 3 or 4 chapters, promise.

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Once Upon a Time

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Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away the beautiful young queen was having an affair behind her aging King's back.

With his eldest son, Prince Renkotsu.

Now, the King was completely unaware of his wife's adultery. Everyone was unaware, of course…except…

The Prince's younger brother, Prince Jakotsu, who had- upon finding out, made a deal with the pair to keep their secret.

"Find me MY Prince Charming, I will be out of your hair…erm…way and the secret will remain behind closed lips. Dad croaks it, she marries you, and you become King. I leave and become King elsewhere, and everyone is happy. Okay?"

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_Glimpse 1: _What He Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Him

In the main room of the large, extravagant castle, the aging King was shaking his head in disproval and his wife, a beautiful woman, no older than the eldest Prince, with long thick black hair looking merely bored.

"Husband, this jester, he bores me greatly," she said softly.

The king looked at her and cracked an aged smile at his wife and looked at the guard. "Escort the boy to…the swamp," he said in a cracked, hoarse voice.

Grabbing the red-haired boy by his collar they walked out with him crying out for help. "Hey! Let me go! I am the great Shippou! How dare you!" he cried. "Someone help me!"

Just outside the castle gates and around a corner into deep, dark woods and tossed the boy into the biggest, deepest, muddiest swamp.

"AH! I can't swim! Help me!" he cried out as he sank.

Walking into the woods, humming a tune, a girl with a long black braid, an old shirt and some ripped-off-at-the-knees pants, pulled a long-handled net off her back and ran it through the swamp, catching the thrashing Shippou. "Damnit, Shippou you need to lose some weight," she said matter-of-factly as she held the net that still contained Shippou over her shoulder so he dangled precariously in the air.

"I AM NOT FAT SOUTEN!" he shouted. "Oh…thanks for fishing me out again," he added.

"Third time this week, why don't you just admit that you're not funny?" she asked as she carried him back into the little village.

"I am funny!" he cried shaking his fist.

"Only when you come back into town sopping wet and covered in goop," she added, cracking a smile.

Back at the castle Prince Renkotsu was having his own dilemma. He flipped through the JC Penny 50th Anniversary Prince Charming Catalogue trying to find someone who would like his brother.

"I really don't see why it's so hard," Tsubaki said, filing her nails casually. "Find someone who'd screw a guy and send them on their way," she said.

"Mother- shut up. You obviously don't know Jakotsu's…preferences when it comes to men," he replied.

Scanning a few more profiles, he found some Princes that would work, if only their…gender preferences had been broader.

Until…

_Name: _Bankotsu

_Status: _Prince of Ushitora

_Likes: _My sword, Banryuu, drinking sake, chilling out

_Dislikes: _Snotty princesses, annoying people

_Gender Preferences: _Anyone.

_To Order This Prince, Call: **1-800-I-WANT-BRAID**_

"That'll work," he said, picking up his super-cool Medieval-cell phone and dialing the number.

"You've ordered one adorable 17 year old Prince Charming, please state the occasion to which he will he used," a robotic voice said on the other end.

"A present for a Prince Jakotsu."

"When would you like the meeting to occur?" the robotic voice asked.

"The ball, in two days time…" he said, growing impatient.

"Prince Bankotsu will be notified," said the voice as the line clicked off.

"Okay, I've found a Prince Charming for Jakotsu," he said, standing up and stretching idly. "Now I have a ball to plan," he said starting to lead the room.

Tsubaki grabbed his wrist, gestured for him to close the door and stood up. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Mother, really," he snapped loudly. Then added in a lower tone, "seriously Tsubaki you're an idiot, maybe later…"

"I'm the Queen, and I get what I want," she argued.

He raised an eyebrow. "I have some things to run by with Father, when I finish there, he'll have gone to bed, then- meet me out in the gardens," he told her, leaving the room.

Tsubaki glared at his retreating back and left to go back to her own chambers.

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_Preview of Glimpse 2:_ News of the ball spreads and the still disgruntled Shippou seeks to find his niche in life.

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Okay, yah, no comment, review please? 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: thanks to my reviewers, here's your update.

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Once Upon a Time

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Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, a young jester named Shippou was having a very severe identity crisis.

His friend Souten only stood back and laughed at him.

Well, she did until he approached her with a strange offer.

"…Will you help me find my niche in life, Souten?" he asked desperately.

Souten groaned. It was going to be a _long _night.

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_Glimpse 2: _Of Identity Crises and Royal Balls

"Pull!" Souten called, raising the strangely shaped blade that crackled with electricity.

Shippou tossed the vegetables as his as he could and as they began to land she dove to chop them through with the blade, cooking them as well as cutting them into interestingly shaped pieces. Finally, they landed soundly on the plate in Shippou's hand.

Doing this routine three more times with other pieces of foods, they began tossing them from plate-to-plate until they each had a very interesting combination of foods and one plate was tossed aside, empty.

Souten smirked. "I didn't know you were good at juggling," she said, biting into the roasted lamb.

"It never got me anywhere," he replied, shrugging. "I didn't know you could either."

"I'm better at it than you too, I should've told you," she replied nodding.

He glared. "You are not better then me at it!" he snapped.

"Oh yeah? You barely good your food onto your plate!" she retorted fiercely.

"You toss too fast," he accused as he finished his food, glaring daggers at the girl, a glimpse of blue flames shooting from his eyes.

She glared back, sparks flashing angrily. "I do not toss fast. That's how my brothers taught me to throw it, _you're _just slow!"

"Fox Fire!" he called, blue flames spurting from his hands.

"Raijininka!" she called back, they shot the attacks at each other, a dead standstill before both attacks diminished.

Panting a little they continued glaring before a group of girls walked by singing.

_"There's going to be a ball! There's going to be a ball! Spread the word and tell them all there's going to be a ball!" _they all sang giddily.

"A ball?" Souten asked curiously.

_"A ball!" _they sang in response. _"Young Prince is getting married, and who knows what else. A ball, a ball, A BALL!" _

"Okay, okay we get the point," Souten grumbled.

A girl ran up to Shippou as they sat back down after the chorus line disappeared from sight.

"Shippou, Shippou, go to the ball with me!" she said rubbing her hands together hopefully.

Souten rolled her eyes in an uncaring manner and Shippou winced. "Sorry, Satsuki, I already promised to go with Souten," he said, blushing and staring at the ground.

Satsuki looked let down, and walked away.

"That was a lie," Souten pointed out once the girl was out of earshot.

Shippou smirked. "I would want you to be jealous, now would I?" he asked smugly.

"I would not be jealous! Don't flatter yourself, Shippou!" she snapped, a flush rising in her cheeks.

Shippou's eyes caught on a flyer posted on a pole just behind where the pair was sitting.

Royal Chefs Wanted To Cater Princes Jakotsu & Renkotsu's 1st Annual Ball. Many Prestigious People Will Be There So We Request People With Talent. Spicy Food is a **Must. **

"Let's be chefs for the royal family!" Shippou exclaimed, jumping in the air.

Souten turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Well, we'll have to go cook dinner for the Princes and Queen tonight, do you think we'll make it?" she asked.

"I know we will!" he said confidently.

"Then lets go sign up!" she retorted, and they got up and started towards the castle.

* * *

Renkotsu paced, they had everything but the chefs. And those were signing up tonight, he wondered if they'd find any.

Jakotsu smirked. "So, who all is coming to this Ball of yours?" he asked smoothly.

"The Prince of…that place up in the Mountains, and his fiancé, King, Queen and Prince of Ushitora, King, Queen and the Princes of the Western Lands, all those people," he said waving a hand in disinterest.

Jakotsu nodded. "Any of them cute?"

"I'm pretty sure there's one or two…cute ones in there, I'm not one to judge," he said shrugging. "There will be Princesses too, so watch out."

"Those are your forte aren't they?" he asked slyly as their stepmother entered the room.

"I'd hope not," she spoke up dangerously. "I'll kill you and whatever slutty princess you go after if you try it," she told him in a low voice.

"Father hasn't died yet, Mother," he replied coldly.

"We have a deal, remember?" she stated flatly.

"Deals are meant to be renegotiated," he point out matter-of-factly.

She glared. "We are not renegotiating my position in this kingdom after he croaks!"

Jakotsu slipped towards the door. "You two can have your lovers spat in peace," he said with a nod as he shut the door.

"What happens to you after Father dies is completely up to me, remember that. If you keep on my good side you can keep the title of Queen, and you are not on my good side," he told her, leaving the room.

She left the room after a moment of deep breathing; the chefs were going to be coming in any minute and she needed to seem composed.

They sat in the Royal Testing Room, long tables set up in front of them with ingredients for the most common food choices to be at the ball.

The first three were mediocre, and the food was bland. The forth was a duo, a black haired girl and a red-haired boy that resembled the jester that had been tossed out the day before.

Jakotsu was entertained by their juggling and methods of cooking, using lightning and kitsune magic to make the simplest dishes.

They dinner they made was most impressive, not bland or regular at all. The other chefs didn't compare to them.

"You're hired," Jakotsu told them after they had dismissed the other dismal contestants.

They gave each other high-fives and then turned to bow before their employers. "You are to wear these," he added, tossing them each a plastic bag with a white and black outfit in each, they bowed again and left the room.

Opening them Shippou raised an eyebrow at the dress in his bag and the pant-and-shirt combination that Souten got. "I think this is for you," he said handing her the bag. Taking the other bag from her, she glared at him.

"I'm not wearing a dress," she told him harshly. "I'll alter this when I get home," she added under her breath.

He nodded. "I think you'd look cute in a dress," he muttered to himself with a little blush.

She stared at him for a moment. "…I'm still not wearing it," she told him with a little laugh. They eventually both began laughing, still in shock from the earning of a new job.

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_Preview for Glimpse 3: _The ball is here! So many Princes for Jakotsu to choose from and some other unknown and mysterious circumstances.

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A/N: Review, please! 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Last chapter, and its jammed packed with happy endings (3), I promise!

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Once Upon A Time

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Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, the local castle was in an uproar. Preparing for the ball, everything was almost ready.

They had guests, they had cooks, and they had everything. And Jakotsu would get his Prince Charming and leave Renkotsu alone.

And Renkotsu had to say life was good, his little brother would be out of his way forever.

"Tonight is just a ball for Jakotsu's fun, I'll just be there…"

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_Glimpse 3: _The Ball, The Prince and the Prude

Jakotsu tilted his head to look at the entering princes. All of them were extremely cute! Once all the guests had arrived, the cooks had started cooking and the music had started playing, he made his way out among his visitors.

He found a minor problem though.

None of them would dance with him!

"Renkotsu," he pouted, coming back to his chair. "None of these cutie princes are gay! How the hell am I supposed to fund my Prince Charming if none of them…like me!"

"Try the buffet," Renkotsu replied, his eyes falling on a braided boy who was currently stuffing his face.

Jakotsu walked over to the buffet. "Hey there cutie," he said with a wave.

The younger prince turned around, swallowing his mouthful and smiling. "Hi," he replied.

"Do you want to dance?" Jakotsu asked him.

Scratching the back of his head in thought the braided boy shook his head. "I would but…I can't really dance that well, I always feel goofy."

Jakotsu smiled brightly. "That's really ironic," he told him laughing.

"Why?" he asked, starting to look cross at the taller male laughing at his lack of coordination on the dance floor.

"I can't dance either! I just ask to see if anybody would actually give me a chance," he added.

"Oh…drumstick?" he asked, offering out a piece of chicken to the other prince.

"Nah, I'll stick to a bowl of rice," he replied, fixing himself a small bowl of rice.

"Be careful, it's really spicy, these cooks are good."

Jakotsu nodded and slowly ate his rice. "What's your name?" he asked suddenly.

"Bankotsu, Prince of Ushitora, you're Jakotsu right?" he asked, smiling as he poured himself a cup of sake.

He nodded. "You don't act like most of the princes here," he said slyly.

Bankotsu blinked. "I don't?"

"You don't! They're all…extremely…straight, even though I'm particularly fond of that cutie over there," he said pointing to a white-haired prince who was dancing with a black haired girl.

"Inuyasha? He's already betrothed to the girl he's dancing with," Bankotsu replied, narrowing his eyes at the dog-eared prince.

"I know, he turned me down…I'd like to rip those dog-ears right off his head…" he muttered under his breath, gaining a kind of sadistic grin.

Shaking his head, Jakotsu looked back at Bankotsu. "Ya know what, Bankotsu?"

"Hmm?" he asked through another mouthful of food.

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship…"

Bankotsu blinked. "Really? Cool!"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the buffet table, the two young cooks were putting on a show of epic proportions for the guests. The tip bowl was overflowing with coins.

"We're gonna be rich!"

And across the large ballroom, four princesses discussed a plan of action.

"Well he's going to be king right? He must marry, and why wouldn't one of us not want a comfortably assured seat on a throne?"

"I'm betrothed," two chorused quietly.

"Well, I'm not," the lead princess told them matter-of-factly.

"Can we really approach him with his stepmother right there, though?" the youngest asked. "She's…intimidating," she added.

"So? We still need to marry princes, and he's a prince…"

Tsubaki narrowed her eyes at the whispering girls. "I think they're trying to get the guts to talk to you."

He shrugged. "Let them, they're too young anyway."

While the girls discussed, there was a commotion over where the young cooks were working their magic.

"The King! The King has fainted!" someone screamed.

Most of the ballroom rushed to where the fallen King was lying. Renkotsu and Tsubaki took their time, putting on perfect facades of concern as they pushed through the crowd.

Jakotsu was kneeling over his father with a questioning look on his face, and then looking at his brother, his dark eyes twinkled a little. "He's dead," he said blankly.

* * *

The news spread quickly, the whole village was in chaos. Renkotsu was going to be King now, and no one liked it. But what of a Queen? He would have to get married before he could actually take the throne.

The next day, Renkotsu was invited to a wedding. Not just any wedding, the union of Princes Jakotsu and Bankotsu, now the King and…King of Ushitora.

They were both in pure white suits, the finally kiss seemed oddly awkward.

After the wedding Jakotsu walked over to his older brother, a wide smile on his face, he seemed to have finally released his young king to approach the taller man.

"Renkotsu, thanks for coming," he said detachedly, he didn't seem to mean it. Pulling something out of his pocket he shoved it into his older brother's hands. "Open it before you go to sleep," he said.

"What is it?"

"That's a stupid question! It's a present, I can't tell you what it is!" he said, walking away. "Have fun being king."

Renkotsu shook his head and pocketed the package.

Jakotsu and Bankotsu pranced away from the crowd of happy onlookers for some privacy, Renkotsu saw this and felt a short spasm of pity for Bankotsu.

And the two Kings ruled their kingdom with a very laidback iron fist, and never had children or anything. Because its rather difficult to have children if both partners in question are males, and they weren't ever really ready to stop having fun so they could adopt or any crazy stuff like that.

But that's beside the point.

And Bankotsu and Jakotsu lived happily ever after.

* * *

Shippou and Souten had found their niche; they became the most famous chefs in all the land. Every time they cooked for a new party or another kingdoms annual ball, they made plenty of money. They bought a house at the edge of the grounds and remained as the head chefs for the King and Queen.

They were known for raucous parties when not on duty, and for being tricksters. And everyone said (and they vehemently denied) that they were in love with each other.

And they were!

So, in summary, they lived the rest of their lives in relative comfort and happiness and their love secretly flourished.

And in an even shorter summary, Shippou and Souten lived happily ever after.

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Renkotsu married his former stepmother about a week into being King. He hadn't wanted to get married of course. He hated the idea of being stuck with this insufferably vain woman.

But he didn't really care anymore. He had power, money, and no real need for anything else. It was a good life.

So, well not really…but I have to say it, it's a fairytale.

So King Renkotsu and Queen Tsubaki lived happily ever after.

"No we didn't! Don't lie!" Tsubaki insisted, yelling at the narrator in irritation.

Renkotsu rested his chin on a fist and sighed in annoyance.

Excuse me, Queen-I-Know-All, I'm sad to say I'm narrating this and I know all! So when I say "happily ever after" I mean "happily ever after", got it?

Tsubaki glared in annoyance. "Fine, whatever."

So King Renkotsu and Queen Tsubaki lived happily ever after.

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A/N: …I bet you thought that was the end? Nope, there's an epilogue. You wont be sorry if you read it. I promise. 


	4. Epilogue

A/N: Okay, last installment. And it gives a little twist. Trust me. It's…random

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Once Upon a Time

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Renkotsu blinked, slamming his hand down on his alarm clock. He sat up blinking. A few clothes scattered out on the floor, along with some unwrapped packages from his birthday yesterday.

There was music playing in one corner of the room, and he looked at a small square, brightly wrapped package that he hadn't opened.

_To Aniki. From Jakotsu. _

Opening it, a note fell into his lap, and he observed the CD behind the purple paper. Picking up the note he noted the slanted, feminine handwriting, done in purple pen.

_'Aniki, this is the CD you wanted wasn't it? Well, Happy Birthday. –Jakotsu'_

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_Epilogue: Plays and Rich-Bitches_

Walking into the big auditorium Renkotsu flung the script down in a chair and sat down. He was joined by a dark-haired boy and his braided companion. "Oi, Aniki, ready for tonight?" the femme boy asked.

"What do you think, Jakotsu?" he replied coolly.

"I'm really sorry we have to share the stage with Tsubaki," Jakotsu replied, pulling his hairpin so it fell down past his shoulders, then he proceeded to stick his nose in the air and flip his long black hair. "Look at me, I'm a flaming rude, rich-bitch with a weird hair-color, I'm much hotter than you. And get way more ass," he mocked.

His friend held back a laugh as a silver-haired female walked past, shooting Jakotsu a reproachful look as he pinned his hair back up.

"Renkotsu," she addressed coldly. "Your little brother should take the time to learn his place in the world."

"Take your superiority complex elsewhere, please, Tsubaki," he said looking at Jakotsu and back to Tsubaki as he spoke.

"Just because we're starring in this together doesn't mean you can tell me what to do, Akimori," she snapped.

Standing up and stretching. "You've obviously forgotten your place here. You're the conniving, selfish tramp who only wants power for herself. Remember? A fitting role if I do say so myself. And you've obviously forgotten who wrote this play in the first place," he said, picking up his script and pointing to the front cover.

"Once Upon a Time"

_A Play by Jakotsu Akimori. _

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And for the record, the play was a huge hit. All of the students involved were applauded. And Tsubaki and Renkotsu ended up dating. Jakotsu claimed he knew it all along. But before he could rub it in his older brother's face, Bankotsu took him away for their own little bonding session.

And everyone was happy.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this! And if you didn't, just ignore it and read the first three chapters without it! 


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